Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
