found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
