I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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