you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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