that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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