Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
