Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
