I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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