oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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