Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
