Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
