woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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