I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
