Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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