Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
