I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
