Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
