(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
