i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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