I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
