Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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