There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
