Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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