I'm jealous of your bromance
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
