Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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