Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
