i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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