I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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