I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
