Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
