i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
