Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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