well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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