Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
