he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
