the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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