i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
