This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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