Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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