There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
