i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
