i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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