It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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