She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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