I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
