dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
