I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
