She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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