We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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