i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
