Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
