we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
