i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
