Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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