When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
