Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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