he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
