I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
