How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
