That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
