she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
