Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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