I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
