if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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