You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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