I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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