What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
