So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
