I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
